Farmer from End confounds scientists with record-breaking crop of square watermelons

In an astonishing turn of events that has left both residents and experts scratching their heads, a local farmer in Harewood’s End has successfully grown a bumper crop of square watermelons. The discovery has sparked both amusement and confusion in equal measure, as the normally oval-shaped fruit now lines the farmer’s fields in neat rows of cubic delight.

Walter Grumpkin, a fourth-generation farmer known for his eccentric agricultural experiments, claims that the square watermelons were the result of a lucky accident. “I was trying to design a scarecrow that could moonlight as a bookshelf when I stumbled upon this groundbreaking discovery,” Grumpkin chuckled. “I guess my scarecrow’s wooden frame exerted some weird pressure on the watermelons and voilà!”

While the town initially erupted in laughter and disbelief, the scientific community has also taken notice. Dr. Ivy Greenleaf, a botanist from End University, expressed her bewilderment at the discovery. “This goes against everything we know about the natural growth patterns of fruits,” she said. “I can’t even begin to fathom how or why this happened. It’s like the watermelons decided to rebel against nature.”

Local residents are finding creative uses for the unconventional fruit. The town’s schoolteacher, Mrs. Appletwig, has organized a “Watermelon Building Contest” where children compete to construct the most imaginative structures using the square melons. “Little Timmy constructed a watermelon Eiffel Tower that even had tourists lining up for selfies!” Mrs. Appletwig exclaimed.

Meanwhile, End townspeople are divided over the taste of the square watermelons. Some claim they taste better than their rounded counterparts, while others insist that the corners are a bit too crunchy for their liking. Monet’s Caff has even introduced a square watermelon smoothie “Cubist Delights,” to capitalize on the craze.

As word spreads, tourists from around Europe have flocked to End to witness the square watermelon phenomenon firsthand. Local businesses are booming, with souvenir shops selling square watermelon-themed merchandise, including t-shirts that proudly proclaim, “End isn’t Square!” (with the n’t crossed out. It’s funnier when you see it)

The square watermelon phenomenon has undeniably put End on the map in a most peculiar way. With its quirky charm and unexpected agricultural prowess, this wonderful town is proving that even the strangest of ideas can grow into something extraordinary – or at least, extraordinarily square.

Sal Panton

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