In an effort to preserve peace and quiet, End’s public library has announced a new initiative: fines for readers caught whispering above an agreed “acceptable murmur level.”
From April, a “Whisper Monitor” machine—described by staff as “a cross between a speed camera and a shushing grandmother”—will be trialled in the reading room. Any patron caught whispering over 25 decibels could face an instant fine of £2.50.
Head Librarian Sylvia Carr defended the move:
“People think a whisper is quiet by default. It isn’t. Last week someone whispered about their cat’s medical issues loud enough for the whole history section to hear. We are protecting the right to absolute silence.”
Readers are divided. University student Jake Telford complained:
“It’s ridiculous. I was asking my mate if he had a pen, and a librarian appeared out of nowhere with a sound meter. It felt like being in court.”
But pensioner and keen crossworder Pamela Briggs is delighted.
“I’ve been coming here for 40 years, and I don’t want to hear about anyone’s dinner plans while I’m doing my puzzles. Frankly, I think the fines should be higher.”
The library insists that staff won’t be overzealous. A guidance leaflet has been issued, listing acceptable whisper topics such as “Where are the biographies?” and “Have you seen my glasses?” while banning others including “What time is EastEnders on?” and “Guess what Brenda said at Pilates.”
If the scheme succeeds, the council has hinted at expanding fines to cover “noisy page-turners” and “excessive biscuit packet rustling” in the café area.
As Carr concluded:
“A library is a sacred space. If people want to whisper loudly, they can go to the bus stop like everyone else.”
