Morning commuters in End faced extraordinary delays yesterday after what police described as “an unusually large cucumber” rolled onto the ring road, blocking traffic for more than an hour.
The vegetable, measuring an estimated 14 feet long and weighing close to half a tonne, was first spotted just after 7:30 a.m. near Junction 3. Witnesses say it caused cars to swerve and cyclists to dismount, before finally coming to rest across both lanes.
“I thought it was a green canoe at first,” said motorist Janice Lyle, who was stuck in the jam for 45 minutes. “But no—it was unmistakably a cucumber. You don’t forget a sight like that.”
Police closed the road while a recovery team attempted to move the giant gourd. A forklift was eventually called in from a nearby builder’s yard. “It was surprisingly slippery,” admitted PC Martin Yates. “We lost our grip twice. One officer described it as ‘like wrestling a very determined fish.’”
The cucumber’s origin remains a mystery. Some believe it may have fallen from a lorry transporting oversized produce, while others suspect foul play. Local allotment holder Barry Pritchard has denied involvement. “Yes, I do grow cucumbers,” he told The End Times. “But nothing on that scale. Mine fit in a sandwich, thank you very much.”
The incident has divided opinion in End. Some residents described it as “a traffic nuisance,” while others suggested it could become a tourist attraction. “We should keep it and put it next to the Cedric Blott statue,” argued shop assistant Naomi Field. “Every town needs a landmark. Why should ours not be a giant cucumber? It would increase tourism.”
Council officials confirmed the cucumber has been placed in cold storage “for analysis.” A spokesperson added: “We are not ruling out an exhibition if residents wish to celebrate it.”
Meanwhile, commuters have been advised that all lanes on the ring road have reopened—though traces of cucumber water may remain “for several days.”
